Day Thirty-Nine

Drinking: Nothing just now. Too early in the day
Eating: Curried rice and vegetables
Reading: House of Holes by Nicholson Baker (and I'm atill REALLY liking it)

Well, it has been a very full few days since I last sat down to write. Mostly good, some not so good.

The heat continues to be just terrible here in St. Louis. We're back in the triple digits, but unlike the first week of July when it was relatively dry, this time around we have both the heat and our region's usual humidity. So it's not only hot, it's moist. Yuck! I'm dealing with it, but not, I'm afraid, very well. Because it is so hot outside, I am spending more time inside and inactive. Even though I spend most of my time in the air conditioning, living in this kind of heat and humidity wears me out. That seems to be keeping me on the edge of being depressed and I just don't seem to have the energy to get over it. Of course, this is temporary. It will get cooler and we will get rain sooner or later. I just need to keep that in mind and I'll be fine.

I've actually been in a pretty good mood for most of the last few days in spite of the heat. I'm attributing this to keeping a positive attitude, as much as possible, and a couple of events that happened over the weekend.

Friday evening Jane and I went to a wine bar to meet some friends and celebrate another friend's getting a new job. It was fun and we both liked the place a lot. I'm sure we'll go back there. They have a good selection of wines and beers, the prices are reasonable and the smoked salmon appetizer was some of the best I've ever had. When I dropped Jane off at her house, I went in for a last beer of the evening. We talked and I brought up some doubts about our relationship and where it is right now. These are all, I realized as we talked, due to my insecurities and issues with past relationships. It was a pretty heartfelt conversation and some tears were shed, but at the end of it I felt we were both stronger in our committment to each other. I certainly was anyway. Jane reinforced for me that she loves me and is trying to work through some of the blocks that she puts up in her relationships. I did the same for her. I really do think this is going to continue to grow as a mutually adult, loving, and mindful relationship. I am very happy and grateful about that.

Saturday morning, I participated in a personal "virtual" retreat for peace in honor of Pema Chodron's birthday. It consisted of a three hour (I had intended it to be four hours, but life gets in the way) sitting meditation and it was wonderful. I set it up to do twenty minutes of sitting meditation followed by ten minutes of reading Buddhist texts, stretching, or walking meditation, followed by twenty minutes of sitting meditation, and so on for three hours. At the end of it I was so happy, clear, and relaxed that I was practically floating. I walked over to a local Vietnamese restaurant and had a bowl of vermicelli noodles with egg rolls, vegetables, and lemon sauce for lunch. It was delicious!

The result of that morning filled with peace, relaxation, mindfulness, and good food was that I had a feeling of wellness and no anxiety all day. And I was even more confident that things are going to be fine with Jane. That, in fact, because I can get to a place where I'm not attached to the feelings or the relationship, that non-attachment will allow the relationship to blossom and grow and benefit both of us in exactly the way it is supposed to.

Saturday afternoon, I went to an anniversary party for some friends. There was very good food that they'd cooked from their own garden and what they had picked up at the Farmer's Market that morning. Many of the people there were musicians, and I'd brought my fiddle and ukulele along. So, it didn't take much prodding to get the bunch of us to sit down and play tunes. The crowd was about half old-time music folks and half Irish music folks, so there was a good variety in what got played over the next several hours.

Later that evening, I met Jane at our favorite pub for drinks after she got off work at The Royal Dumpe. Jane has been one of the serving wenches there for 16 years or so. It's hard work, but she enjoys it and the money is good. We were both tired after a long day, but in good spirits and had a good time. I always like to hear about nights at the Dumpe. The stories she tells about the clientelle and the other wenches and players are usually about as entertaining and sometomes surprising as can be. Sometimes the way that people act in public is astonishing.

Sunday was mostly uneventful. I spent the morning doing my usual Sunday activities; laundry, house cleaning, marketing, that sort of thing. I made a big pot of curried vegetables and brown rice that I'll be eating for lunch all week. Jane called to invite me to O'Connell's for lunch with her, her sister-in-law, Karen and Karen's boyfriend. That was nice. Karen and Jerry are fun to be around. After that, it was back home to loaf around and watch a movie - 13 Assassins, an excellent samurai movie that reminded me of Akira Kurosawa's films. This may have been a little more simplistic philosophically and more violent than Kurosawa's stuff, but it was enjoyable, all the same.

Then, just as I was about to go to bed, there's a knock at the door and who should be standing on my porch but Ian, Jane's roommate's ten-year-old. I could not imagine what he was doing there at that time of night and by himself, but I opened the door prepared for anything. Surprise! Jane was standing off to the side of the porch where I couldn't see her and jumped to startle me. They had been in the neighborhood on a pet sitting visit and decided to come by and see if I was still up. They stayed for about 45 minutes and we had a laugh watching a Batman cartoon on DVD.

Monday evening I taught my last dulcimer class of the session at The Folk School and stopped by my daughter's apartment to spend a couple of hours with her, her husband, and my granddaughter, Callie. Callie is just the cutest, smartest, most active little squirt. I am always recharged and joyous when I spend time with her. She's learning new things every day and delights in showing them off. She also has the best sense of humor and loves playing tricks on us. For now, snce she's not yet a year old, the tricks are pretty simple and easy to see through. I shudder to think what she'll get up to by the time she's nine or ten.

That's about it for this installment. It may be more than enough.